Friday, August 29th 2008

Hey folks.

It's been a while since I've updated this blog. The reason, however, is not because I haven't seen any spiders. I wish. The reason is because sometimes I get lazy and blog updates that should happen don't happen. BUT! I'm bringing good/bad news. The good news is you get a two-for-one deal today! The bad news is that means I saw more than one spider. I'll start with my Tuesday night experience.

TUESDAY

It was about 11:58 PM ET, and I was talking on the phone to my good friend Melissa. Because it was so late, I was out in the garage so as not to wake up my sleeping family (I was spending a few days at home). We had been on the phone for a good ten minutes, when I looked down next to me only to see this pile of trash:



So naturally I got off the phone to take a picture, which is a really hard thing for me to do. I always have this strong desire to just squash the nugget and move on with my life, but I'm too dedicated to this blog to do that. Can't you tell by my constant updates? So anyways, I got off the phone, got my camera, took a picture and then made his creepy eight eyes, creepy eight legs, and even creepier clear body one squishy mess on my garage step. Mission accomplished, right?

WRONG! After killing that one I glanced down next to the step to see his brother or some weird similar looking relative on the other side! WHAT IF I HADN'T NOTICED THESE GUYS! Well actually, chances are they wouldn't have harmed me or crawled on me, but I'm not in this business to be critically thinking. The only critical thinking I do is to think that it's critical to kill any spider I see, so this spider also had to go. The towel I had used to kill the other spider had it's guts on it, so in no way was I touching that again. I decided to use a red notebook. I held the notebook above the spider, casting both a literal and figurative shadow of doom across it's body, dropped the notebook, stepped on the notebook, picked up the notebook to make sure it was dead, then got grossed out and dropped the notebook again. I probably should've left a note on it saying "dead spider underneath this notebook" but I forgot. Whoops. Here's what the crusty piece of crap looked like:


Daily Spider Count: 2
Weekly Spider Count: 3
Overall Feeling: No sympathy, ever

THURSDAY

I spent the last few days in Fort Wayne, and tonight I returned to my own room in Marion. Upon arrival I set my bags down and then set up my laptop so I could get some work done. After plugging in my laptop I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. I always hate coming into my room after being gone a few days because I feel like the spiders have had a few human-free days to hang out, and maybe they got cocky and invited friends over. That sounds weird, but it makes sense in my head. Anyways, I looked to where I saw the movement and I just caught a glimpse of a little black spider crawling down the wall and out of sight behind my laptop's screen. This was a tough call for me camera-wise, and I'll tell you why:

-Big spiders have a tendency to be slower moving and a little more calm, giving me more time to get my camera without fear of them crawling out of sight.
-Little black spiders, like this one, have a tendency to jump around ANNOYINGLY fast. Hey, guess what? They're also small so they can hide better. Oh and they're also really freaking fast.

I decided to get my camera out of my bag but I kept my eye on it the whole time. I snapped a quick picture and then it started running to the windowsill. If that little piece of crap got to the windowsill it was long gone. It totally could've squeezed into a crack and I would've had to sleep down on the couch tonight. I grabbed a tissue and squished it which is my absolute least favorite thing to do because you can feel it crunch and...barf break. This is making me feel so sick. I'll just post the picture.



Daily Spider Count: 1
Weekly Spider Count: 4
Overall Feeling: GET OUT OF MY ROOM FOREVER

Sunday, August 24th 2008

The only spider I saw today was outside. I was mowing our lawn and there was this weird piece of cardboard under some trees in our backyard and I saw one of those disgusting hairy ones. I was far away from it and I could SEE THE HAIRS. WHY DO SPIDERS NEED HAIR? I mean I'm sure it's there for a reason but it's main result is freaking me the hell out. But! It was outside and I just mowed up the cardboard and (hopefully) the spider too. Now look, I know I said if the spider is outside it doesn't count, but as I'm typing this I realized how big and hairy this one was so I am changing the rules. If you can see hairs growing on the spider it doesn't matter where you see it. That thing is going to haunt you whether it's under a roof or under a tree napping on cardboard. I also wanted to brag about mowing up a spider, because that is easily my best kill so far. I chopped it up with some blades. Let that sink in.

Since I obviously couldn't get a picture of this one, I'm going to just tell you an awful story. In 5th grade one of my classmates (Amber Hickey) brought this jar into class for show and tell. Inside the jar was a spider that she SWALLOWED while she was eating CEREAL. You guys, you don't even know how long it was until I ate cereal again. She felt it bite her throat when she swallowed it, coughed it up, and then FREAKING PUT IT IN A JAR. OK, I'm sorry, but if I just coughed up a spider that bit the inside of my throat, my first reaction isn't, "I should really get a jar and keep this thing around for a bit." My first reaction is turning the dining room table upside down on top of the spider then probably passing out. To this day, when I'm eating cereal and I remember that story, it's really hard and un-satisfying for me to finish my meal.

Daily Spider Count (after new rules take effect): 1
Weekly Spider Count: 1
Overall Feeling: CAPS LOCK HAPPY

Saturday, August 23rd 2008

Look at this picture:

What a normal picture! Just two guys playing some tunes! Let's get a little closer:

Just a dude playing the drums; nothing special, right? Wrong. If you zoom in on the picture and look up in the corner behind his head this is what you see:

As soon as I walked into the room today I knew something was wrong. I think I can feel spiders now. Luckily, this little guy was small and totally wimpy because all I did was uppercut his frail body right into the ceiling and he was toast. It's like I wasn't even scared to touch him with my bare hand because I knew he was so fragile and inutile. I usually refuse to touch spiders but this one just made me laugh. Nice try spider. Maybe in your next life you will come back as something WORTH MY TIME.

Daily Spider Count: 1
Weekly Spider Count: 5
Overall Feeling: Confident with a hint of cocky...could be my downfall shortly, will keep you posted

Friday, August 22nd 2008

Today was a good day, mainly because I came in contact with no spiders. However, that doesn't mean that spiders weren't on my mind. I was thinking about it, and I realized one of the worst phrases in the English language is, "Dude, there's a spider on you." Let me break it down.

-The first word of this sentence, "Dude" brings about an excited, almost effervescent feeling. Very few sentences start off with "Dude" and are followed by disappointing news; at least in my life.
-The sentence in itself is extremely abstract. There's a spider on me? Terrible news! But the least you could have done was say, "There is a spider on your lower back" or "There is a spider crawling on your left sleeve." When you give such a vague statement, my first reaction is to jump around and slap all parts of my body as fast as I can. So now not only do I have a spider on me, but I look like a fool in front of what could be tens of people.
-THIS IS NOT A SENTENCE TO TAKE LIGHTLY. When someone tells you there is a spider on you, you don't have time to pause and think, "Holy crap what if my friend is joking and there really isn't a spider on me!" This leads to it's abuse. People like to say it to me when it holds no truth. This sentence could be said to me 20 times in one day and on the 20th time I would still react the same way, regardless of there actually being a spider on me the previous 19 times.

I think I've made myself pretty clear.

-Don't start off with "Dude"
-Give an exact location
-NO JOKES

Daily Spider Count: 0
Weekly Spider Count: 4
Overall Feeling: Aggravated, but not sure why

Thursday, August 21st 2008

When I started this blog I knew I would be "lucky" if I ran into at least one spider on a daily basis, and that most days would be spider free. I also knew there would be days where I saw more than one spider (for example, the day in late June when I killed 5 spiders in my basement in as many minutes). Today was the latter.

Let me start off by saying I have no job right now, allowing me to wake up whenever I please. I rolled out of bed around 3pm to take a shower (for what reason, I don't know), and as soon as I walked into the bathroom it was game time. Two spiders up in the corner of the bathroom. This was obviously a HUGE no-no, so after assessing the whole situation I decided I had enough time to get my camera because they didn't seem to be going anywhere. I got my digital camera and snapped a picture.

After I took this picture the little one started flying all over the ceiling and I freaked out, realized I hadn't prepared for that reaction, and had NO GOOD OBJECT available to kill it with. Shampoo bottles, soap containers, toothbrushes...get serious. I need something that is thick and has a big flat surface. I stepped out of the bathroom and found a Vonnegut book (Bluebeard) and quickly killed it. Vonnegut would be so proud. Next was the big one, which had since moved into the corner of the ceiling. This was a little tougher because I had to perfectly dig the corner of the book into the corner of the ceiling, and it was a little hard to reach. I tried and failed!!! The spider fell to the floor!!! You have no idea how fast my feet were in the air when that happened. Sitting on the sink, I peeked behind the toilet to see where it went. I soon saw the big creeper climbing up the wall back to it's little corner. Vonnegut soon became 2/2, and our bathroom became (visibly) spider-free.

I was kind of freaked out because there were 2 spiders in one little area, and that's double the creepy. However, I soon realized that that's a GOOD thing. In fact, I wish every spider in my house would go to the same spot that way I could just drop a big box on them, shut down this blog, and live without the threat of spiders crawling on my face while I sleep.

You may be wondering why I kill the spiders instead of setting them free outside. So many reasons.

-Spiders don't know you're trying to set them free. They aren't going to be nice to you while you do it so there's still a chance they will bite you/crawl up your arm.

-I have a big, curly head of hair. If I'm showering/pooping/peeing and a spider drops into my hair, I probably won't find it for a really long time.

-The spider obviously liked it indoors, so if I put it outside how do I know it won't do a u-turn and come right back in?

-GUYS. THEY'RE JUST SPIDERS.

Daily Spider Count: 2

Weekly Spider Count: 4

Overall Feeling: A little nervous but also a little powerful

Wednesday, August 20th 2008

Spiders love food. Or rather, they love it when I am eating food.

My first spider of the day came around 6pm. I had just made myself a bagel sandwich (cream cheese and ham in the middle), and I was in the middle of enjoying it while watching an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm in our living room. Lo and behold, a movement catches my eye. I see the spider moving towards the bathroom, so I grabbed a jewel CD case and pressed it flat side down on top of the spider. This obviously wasn't going to be enough pressure to kill it, and I knew that. I quickly picked up the case and dug the corner of it into the spider's body, essentially killing it. I obviously didn't have a chance to take a picture of it alive, so here it is dead.


Time passes, and 11pm comes around. I'm hungry again. The bagel sandwich was a winner earlier, so why try to fix something that isn't broken. Is it broke or broken? Anyways. In the kitchen, at the toaster waiting for my bagels to pop up. I walked over to the table where my orange juice was sitting to take a sip, and on my way I noticed a spider underneath the table. The same table that I was JUST STANDING BY FOR AT LEAST ONE MINUTE. My weapon of choice this time was a box of rice. I was tempted to throw the whole box away, but it was still good so I just wiped the spider guts off onto a plastic bag. Here are it's contents.


Daily Spider Count: 2
Weekly Spider Count: 2
Overall Feeling: Down but not out

Introduction

It seems like every time I'm talking to someone on the phone, I encounter a spider. It also seems that any time I'm getting ready to eat, or going to the bathroom, or taking a shower, I encounter a spider.

I'm terrified of spiders.

I created this blog to keep track of all the spiders I come across on a daily basis. I'll keep daily tallies, and then at the end of the week I'll figure out how many spiders I came across during that weekly time period.

Rules:

-Spiders must be indoors (the only exception to this rule being if a spider is crawling on me while I'm outside)
-Must be the first time seeing this spider (example: I see a spider at 1pm and it gets away from me before I can kill it. I see the same spider at 2pm and successfully kill it. This counts as 1 (one) spider sighting)
-Anyone can see the spider first, and notify me of it. As long as there is a spider in my presence in an indoor setting, I am encountering it.
-Week starts Sunday morning at 12:00am and ends Saturday night at 11:59pm.



I will try to take pictures of the spiders with my phone or camera, but I can't always promise that will happen. My first goal is to kill the spider. My second goal is to document it.


Here's to hoping every weekly tally is 0.