Sunday, August 24th 2008

The only spider I saw today was outside. I was mowing our lawn and there was this weird piece of cardboard under some trees in our backyard and I saw one of those disgusting hairy ones. I was far away from it and I could SEE THE HAIRS. WHY DO SPIDERS NEED HAIR? I mean I'm sure it's there for a reason but it's main result is freaking me the hell out. But! It was outside and I just mowed up the cardboard and (hopefully) the spider too. Now look, I know I said if the spider is outside it doesn't count, but as I'm typing this I realized how big and hairy this one was so I am changing the rules. If you can see hairs growing on the spider it doesn't matter where you see it. That thing is going to haunt you whether it's under a roof or under a tree napping on cardboard. I also wanted to brag about mowing up a spider, because that is easily my best kill so far. I chopped it up with some blades. Let that sink in.

Since I obviously couldn't get a picture of this one, I'm going to just tell you an awful story. In 5th grade one of my classmates (Amber Hickey) brought this jar into class for show and tell. Inside the jar was a spider that she SWALLOWED while she was eating CEREAL. You guys, you don't even know how long it was until I ate cereal again. She felt it bite her throat when she swallowed it, coughed it up, and then FREAKING PUT IT IN A JAR. OK, I'm sorry, but if I just coughed up a spider that bit the inside of my throat, my first reaction isn't, "I should really get a jar and keep this thing around for a bit." My first reaction is turning the dining room table upside down on top of the spider then probably passing out. To this day, when I'm eating cereal and I remember that story, it's really hard and un-satisfying for me to finish my meal.

Daily Spider Count (after new rules take effect): 1
Weekly Spider Count: 1
Overall Feeling: CAPS LOCK HAPPY