Today was a good day, mainly because I came in contact with no spiders. However, that doesn't mean that spiders weren't on my mind. I was thinking about it, and I realized one of the worst phrases in the English language is, "Dude, there's a spider on you." Let me break it down.
-The first word of this sentence, "Dude" brings about an excited, almost effervescent feeling. Very few sentences start off with "Dude" and are followed by disappointing news; at least in my life.
-The sentence in itself is extremely abstract. There's a spider on me? Terrible news! But the least you could have done was say, "There is a spider on your lower back" or "There is a spider crawling on your left sleeve." When you give such a vague statement, my first reaction is to jump around and slap all parts of my body as fast as I can. So now not only do I have a spider on me, but I look like a fool in front of what could be tens of people.
-THIS IS NOT A SENTENCE TO TAKE LIGHTLY. When someone tells you there is a spider on you, you don't have time to pause and think, "Holy crap what if my friend is joking and there really isn't a spider on me!" This leads to it's abuse. People like to say it to me when it holds no truth. This sentence could be said to me 20 times in one day and on the 20th time I would still react the same way, regardless of there actually being a spider on me the previous 19 times.
I think I've made myself pretty clear.
-Don't start off with "Dude"
-Give an exact location
-NO JOKES
Daily Spider Count: 0
Weekly Spider Count: 4
Overall Feeling: Aggravated, but not sure why
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